Most of us have a pretty complicated relationship with our bodies. We spend so much time scrolling through filtered feeds or picking apart our reflections, wondering why we can’t just look “normal.” But if you listen closely to that harsh inner critic, you’ll realize it isn’t even your own voice. It’s usually just a voice we picked up from societal expectations, social media, or old remarks (Fardouly & Vartanian, 2016). It’s the same when others judge people who criticize other bodies are almost always projecting their own deep insecurities. Their judgment is about their internal battle, not your worth (Cash, 2011).
Try this: Next time a thought pops up, ask yourself “Whose voice is that?” Remind yourself “What they think of me is their own internal battle, I don’t have to carry it.”
If forcing intense self-love feels exhausting, try body neutrality instead. Think of body neutrality as the peaceful middle ground. While body positivity tells you that you must love your reflection, body neutrality takes all that pressure away (Plante et al., 2022). It says you can accept and respect your body without having to love how it looks. It shifts the focus entirely away from beauty and places it on what your body does, reminding us that our bodies are a home to live in, not an ornament to be looked at. You don’t have to love your reflection today to be grateful for how hard your body works for you.
Three Ways to Be Kind to Yourself Today
● Protect your feed: If an account leaves you critically picking at your appearance, hit unfollow or mute. Protect your peace. (Perloff, 2014)
● Focus on what your body does: When you start criticizing a body part, pivot to function. Think about how your legs carry you to the people you love, your arms hold them close, and your lungs quietly keep you alive (Alleva et al., 2017).
● Dress for the body you have today: Squeezing into tight, restrictive clothes is a constant trigger for self-criticism. Choose pieces that let you move and breathe easily right now (Cash, 2002).
Healing this relationship takes time. On the heavy days, see if you can offer yourself the same grace you’d give a close friend (Neff, 2011). You deserve to take up space exactly as you are!
References
Alleva, J. M., Tylka, T. L., & Kroon Van Diest, A. M. (2017). The Functionality Appreciation Scale (FAS): Development and psychometric evaluation in U.S. community women and men. Body Image, 23, 28–44. (Supports pivoting to function over form).
Cash, T. F. (2002). The Body Image Workbook: An 8-Step Program for Learning to Like Your Looks. New Harbinger Publications. (Supports how tight/restrictive clothes act as a visual/tactile trigger for body checking and criticism).
Cash, T. F. (2011). Cognitive-behavioral perspectives on body image. In T. F. Cash & L. Smolak (Eds.), Body Image: A Handbook of Science, Practice, and Prevention (2nd ed., pp. 39–47). Guilford Press. (Supports psychological projection of body insecurities and the internalization of outer critiques).
Fardouly, J., & Vartanian, L. R. (2016). Social media and body image concerns: Current research and future directions. Current Opinion in Psychology, 9, 1–5. (Supports how scrolling through peer/influencer feeds feeds the inner critic).
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101. (Supports offering oneself the same grace you would extend to a friend).
Perloff, R. M. (2014). Social media on the mind: Social mechanisms explaining peer, mass media, and user-generated interactions on body image. Sex Roles, 71(11-12), 363-377. (Supports boundary setting and curating/muting your digital feed).
Plante, I., et al. (2022). Shifting from body positivity to body neutrality: A distinct conceptual framework for eating disorder prevention and clinical intervention. Journal of Clinical Psychology. (Supports the distinction of body neutrality as a low-pressure, functional framework distinct from aesthetic-driven positivity).