Have you ever just wanted to cleanse your mind of everything going on inside of it and clear it of everything you have been going through? Really share your frustration, disappointment, or even your excitement? Have you ever wanted to really vent about the tough things, the irritating things, the disappointing things? How about the sad things? Or the happy things? It can be hard to get the courage to do that. It can be hard to know where to start, or how to even organize the thoughts. It can even be difficult to find the right person to speak to. Do you have different people that you go to depending on what you need from them? Maybe you go to a parent when you want advice, a friend when you want someone on your side, or a colleague for an objective opinion.
Being able to share parts of yourself can be intimidating. Being vulnerable can be uncomfortable at times. Sometimes we think people will view us as “whining” or “attention seeking”. Sometimes, people think that we are bragging or selfish. Sharing our story can make us feel guilty for feeling this way and guilty for opening up. It can be very tough to open up when we are filtering our true thoughts and experiences to please our audience.
Do you know what else is frustrating and disappointing? When you open up to someone finally. When you take a big breath, share your story, and then you are met with something that is not empathetic, not understanding, or not accepting. Opening up to someone who dismisses your feelings as unimportant or who minimizes what you’re going through can make you retreat back into your shell. It can make you bottle everything up in the future. It does not feel good to be invalidated. People we share our story to often want to offer reassurance using “at least….” Statements to encourage you to look at the bright side, while others want to offer solutions to fix the problem, even though you did not ask for help. People can be quick to say “you could have, you should have…” when you really just wanted to tell your story and have someone listen. It is not necessarily ill intent from your audience. Many people have the best of intentions with the goal of being a support to you – however they do not realize that they are really invalidating you and your experience.
That is where a therapist comes in handy. Therapists are trained to do the opposite. Therapists listen to you. Therapists validate your feelings, listen without judgment, and hear you without offering a solution. Attending counselling can be a really great outlet. Speaking with someone qualified to listen with the intent of hearing you, versus with the intent of responding can be a great experience. Having someone who does not judge you and accepts you, regardless of what your disclosing may be quite a welcoming experience. A therapist can offers reassurance and allows you to share your narrative. A therapist helps you process and untangle your thoughts and feelings. A therapist can tell you its okay to have a bad day and to feel how you are feeling. You are entitled to your feelings.
The best part? Therapy is confidential. With expectations of course. A therapist cannot gossip about you or your story. No one will know outside of the session what you are experiencing. Do you want guidance or help restructuring your thoughts? They are there to help with that too! Counselling can help you acquire skills to regulate your emotion, identify your triggers and warnings, and help you navigate challenging conversations.
When we hold stuff in, it hurts us. Sharing and expressing our thoughts and feelings in healthy manner helps us release it. If we do not get it out, and instead bottle it, it builds up until it explodes. If we keep everything in and do not express it, we either act it in or act it out. Acting it in means that we hold our emotions in, which essentially results in them manifesting internally. For example, this means that we may self-harm, struggle with addictions, experience symptoms of depression, etc. Acting out is when we…well…act out. We lash out, we can be aggressive, we can be irritable and short tempered. Through talk therapy, you can release your feelings in a safe way and learn techniques to regulate your emotions.
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